If you've never ridden a Gold Wing or a similar big bike with a big fairing you may not be aware at how good they are at wind protection, on-coming wind, as in atmospheric wind. That same wind protection creates something of a comparative dead space behind the fairing where resides the rider and passenger. Now, should some noxious odor emanate from the rider, the passenger, given her close proximity to the rider, just might get a whiff.
Now if you've been married for a long time this isn't a big deal, your "humanity" having long since been revealed to your spouse. If you're dating or newly married then that first whiff of your beloved's gastrointestinal emanations can be an embarrassing and uncomfortable moment. He or she isn't perfect after all, as you'd been led to believe. They fart just like other humans do.
Maybe it was the Mexican food I had for lunch, I don't know. It looked harmless enough at the time. A couple of hours into the afternoon ride I began to shift a bit in the seat to get more comfortable and with that slight easing of pressure…well…I ripped one. A big one. The noise was of course drowned out by the sounds of the bike and the road so I thought I would get away with it. No such luck.
Seeking to cover my sin, I replied flatly "I think we hit a dead animal or something."
"More likely you ATE a dead animal or something. I'm not fooled!!"
Thinking quickly as we motored along I decided to use the old bromide that "a good offense is the best defense" so I told her smugly "Admit it, you liked it."
"It's all perfectly normal, even good" I said trying to sound logical. "Women secretly like men's farts."
"Well I'm a woman and I don't!" She seemed quite emphatic about that so I decided to see if I could wear her down with a barrage of perfectly plausible "historical facts."
"See, my dear, women like men's farts, women are wired that way. It's been that way since caveman times."
I leaned the Gold Wing a little deeper into the next curve to scare her a bit and give me time to think. Clearly my little social faux pas was not well received, especially at close range, and I knew that another such a one was on it's way.
"Stop trying to scare me and then explain yourself." The woman is not easily fooled, one wonders how I ever persuaded her to marry me.
"Look" I said, "Women secretly like men's farts. These days it's a subconscious thing but it's absolutely true. It all started eons ago back in caveman times."
"Honey, you've told me about when you belonged to the circus, about human cannonballs, elephants, dead midgets, and being abducted by space aliens outside of Gila Bend. I was happy to accept those stories because I love you but don't expect me to believe that women love men's farts."
"They do, you do" I said earnestly, as if the truth of it all was unassailable.
"Do tell then, explain it all to me…and stop farting, I can tell you still are by the way you shift in the seat." Oops...
"Women fart too, sweetie."
I decided this wasn't the time to press the point about the universality of flatulence.
I pressed on.
"Cavemen, on the other hand, had to hunt and kill stuff and of course if one doesn't eat, one doesn't fart. A caveman who farted a lot in the presence of cavewomen was merely showing that he was well fed as a result of being a good hunter and therefore a good provider. This..uh..scent...therefore, was actually an attraction to cavewomen who wanted a mate who could provide well for them and any future cavekids.
In modern times the farting of a well fed man still means that he eats well and in fact subliminally, after thousands of years of social evolution, women still secretly enjoy and subconsciously respond romantically to the scent of a good, manly fart because they know the fellow is well fed and prosperous. Women will deny this but it's true." I said that last part with a lofty tone hoping to add a bit of gravitas to the concept.
So, gentle 40on2 readers of the male persuasion, especially you single guys, trust me and despite what the ladies say, when rolling down the road with the pillion seat occupied by the fairer sex, fart away because it's actually a secret mating call to the ladies who do indeed long to sit around the campfire as in caveman times and hear farts and belches as those are a sign of a truly happy and healthy family man.